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the Mr is: KELVIN LIM YI RONG
3rd November 1989
18 going 19
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絕口不提愛你
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February 2008

Monday, February 18, 2008

Haiz..today is 18 of Feb 2008..that means that i left with 3 more days to my court day..i don't know why but i all of a sudden just feel so scared to go back..the days just pass so fast how i wish i could control the time..so that i could stop the time for now and spend the time with the people i love the most till i am happy..sad that i can't..but for now i can just do nothing and count down the days for now i guess..and the the other thing is to pray to GOD and that's all..i just don't know but for the past few days i have been quarreling with her..i just don't know why i guess is because my mood and her mood no good i guess.. i fell so angry is because of the sister for all the things she done to her i just feel like slapping the sister but i couldn't because is her sister i just pray that one day GOD will bless me and let me be the prince and save her out of all the troubles and save her from everything or should i say all the hardship and be like what i usually read in the fairy tales having happily endings...like that i will be very happy without having any worries and troubles...but for the time being i just want to walk finish through my this case 1st and see what's the sentence then see how..pray hard that it will be a lighter sentence..so that i still have time for the people who care for me and for the people i love...GOD please save me..i really hit onto this wall real hard and i know what i have done wrong..i am repenting and praying for your forgiveness..please save me my father in heaven..for i am your son and you who say that you won't neglect me..i trust you that you will save me..

5:00 PM
A sentimental yearning.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Haiz...i just feel like dying because i will never know when they want me back they only say by this week..but i never know when is it i just feel damn stress because as soon as he call mi i got to go back just that till now he haven't call me back yet..i just hate my friend who got me into this shit why can't he just help me out instead he flee happily i just don't get it i always try my best to help him but he just hack care when i need his help 1st ting he will do is to run away but when he need help he will know how to look for me why must all this happen on me..i treat him as brother he treat me like shit..i wanted to look for him and chiong him down but my friend ask me not to because it will make me having an extra charge so i didn't..GOD must i really become bad because hao xing will always mei yo hao bao..now all i can do is to wait for him to call mi and go back there and wait for mine charge..i just pray hard that GOD will help me out of this crap or should i say this shit..once i am done i will be damn happy and i will turn over a new leaf to become a good person..ah ku if you where to see this help mi remember this once i am done and i get a light sentence which is probation trust me on this i will chiong out with you..and trust me we will go drink together till both of us drop dead okae...trust me..and when we wake up we will be a new person in this world that will make everybody respect us..GOD please help me..

3:41 PM
A sentimental yearning.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

1 mre dae in other words tat means i goin court 2morrow mornin i jus feel nervous or should i sae scared cuz 2morrow will be de dae whereby i will either be sentenced or it will be postpone to after chinese new year all i cn do is to pray hard tat it will be postpone to after chinese new year or i will gt probation so tat atleast i cn have my reunion dinner wit my family and my honey before i gt sentenced or so tat i cn still see my family and my honey if i gt probation..

i m realli feelin damn stress dis few daes lots of tings are goin through my mind i jus dunno wat to do..all of a sudden i feel tat i m so closed to them and wantin to be with them forever and i nw i cn feel de love of my family and nw den i noe hw well my family is instead of last tym i keep tinkin of their weakness and nt lookin at their strength..haiz i feel tat i m sort of late to regret and tink of all dis cuz if i hab done tat earlier i wouldn't hab even land into such disastrous state..maybe i m abit too exaggerate maybe i could sae i wounldn't hab landed into such a state..i jus wish i tat i could rewind de tym wen i was small..where i will study hard or i will give my best in my studies bt i tink it's fate tat make it so tat i would have noe my honey and make a big turn back to GOD and be with him and follow him all the way till i be wit him in heaven..

2dae i wen to meet my bro and my nu'er and we tok abt alot of tings although they didn't help mi much bt atleast they encourage mi and oso atleast i feel de feelin of bein care and after a long dae den i wen to meet my honey bt i felt tat it was sort of too late although i rush there bt i find tat i onli spend alittle tym with her onli..i could hab spend mre tym wit her but i choose to stay there awhile longer i regret stayin there awhile longer in de end i onli spend alittle bit of time with her only and i felt veri sorie to her cuz i made her didn't ate her breakfast lunch and made her ate her dinner so late..i m indeed felt veri remorse and sad tat why did i made her dae so bad and made her hungry fr the whole day...and even made her angry and worrie fr me i realli felt veri sorry..and more ever i didn't even apologize to heri jus dunno wat to sae abt myself..i jus dunno y bt all of a sudden wen i reach home or should i sae wen i sit dwn and start typin my blog i start to tink abt my prob and i start to doubt abt GOD abt weather is he gonna hlp mi out.. bt as i read my brother comments i realized tat i shouldn't do tat as my brother told mi nvr doubt GOD fr he cn move the whole mountain and could separate de oceans fr his son to cross the sea to gt to the other side of de place..so i choose to have faith wit him and stay de right track with fr he is de onli 1 right nw tat cn make miracles and pull mi out of dis place with his hand..so i trust him...i really pray hard tat GOD will save mi frm dis problems or ahould i sae save mi frm all de problems..GOD i indeed have surrender all my life to you lord..PLS save mi...

11:14 PM
A sentimental yearning.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

haiz..rite nw i jus dunno wat to do..i jus feel so stress..my fren wen to amk and sae tat my de other fren sae abt wat i did and throw all de shit on mi..i jus dunno wat to do..i feel damn angry and feel lik beatin him de moment i heard abt dis..bt after awhile i tink tat maybe is jus fate..i dunno wat to do..i jus all of a sudden feel so empty inside my heart..i jus feel so sad and stress..cn someone out there hlp mi out of dis shit tat i m goin through...save mi pls..i don wna sink deeper and drop deeper into dis shit..i jus wna gt out of all dis nonsense and be free of all dis crappy prob tat i m goin through...

GOD i realli need u do u hear ur son cryin out loud fr u...pls save mi...i realli need ur hlp..pls save mi i don wna to drop to a place where i will feel lonely,sad and stress everydae...2dae i brought her to wrk and den wen to church wit my bro..and tok to god abt my life and case..after or so late nite i wen to visit her and i tok to her alot of tings all abt mi and i tinkin tat i realli don wan her to hold on to all de stress and wantin to her whether does she regret of being wit mi and whether does she wna break bt de words jus wouldn't come out cuz i realli can't bear to leave her jus lik tat..

i realli wish tat GOD cn realli save mi..i realli don wna go to hell i realli hab change and i realli wish to faster end dis case or shld i sae all dis nonsense so tat i wouldn't feel lonely,sad and stress...and nw i m left wit 2 mre daes bfore i go to court and have mine sentenced...i jus hope tat de lawyer cn hlp mi drag till after chinese new year tat all..i realli wna celebrate my chinese new year 1st tat all...i realli wish tat all dis hab nvr happen and wouldn't hab dis mess nw it has started and i dunno hw to clear it..haiz..i m realli hopeless frankly makin so mani ppl worrie fr mi... i realli feel so useless...pray tat GOD will realli save mi and oso hlp mi clear dis mess wit mi..GOD i realli put mine life in ur hands pls save mi...

10:55 PM
A sentimental yearning.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Haiz..i m jus lik a knight tat is fightin a hudge dragon which is impossible bt i still will try to kill it..cuz tat is hw i am goin to carry on is either me or de dragon mus die if nt there will be no endin i jus need de strength i hope i will hab de strength to kill de dragon and carry on...HAIZ...i jus feel damn stress since de dae i m out!!dunno y bt jus feel tat there are so mani prob tat i can't handle..it lik de sky is fallin on mi..i jus can't hold it any longer..

3 mre daes till i will go back to my sentenced..and i still dunno wat to do..there are jus so mani tings tat i still cannot or shld i sae nt willin to pt it dwn yt..there are jus so mani knots in my heart tat i gotta untie..bt i jus dunno tat there will be dis few knots tat are jus so hard to untie..i jus feel lik jus givin up or shld i sae i jus feel lik dyin frm dis world..cuz i realli can't take it anymore..i feelin so hopless i jus can't spend sufficient time wit mine FAMILY,HONEY,NU'ER,AH KU and mine frenz..i jus don hab de freedom tat i hab last tym..i did a realli big mistake..and i hab drop so deep tat i need a long rope to pull mi out if nt i will gt stuck there forever without ppl knowin tat i m there..i jus wanna go back to de tyms tat i hab bfore dis case..after dis case den i noe tat i hab freakin screwed up mine life and after dis case tat i noe hu i could trust and hu i cn lean on wen i need a shoulder..and i oso noe tat hu are de ppl hu gib mi love so willingly without even need mi to gib them back..bt nw i cherish every single tym wit them and i oso will love them back..i hope tat de guy hu cn judge my life will realli gib mi a last CHANCE..tat's all i need rite nw..PLZ LET MI OUT OF DIS HELL.

i m realli dyin soon..i miss her so much and love her so much..bt i jus can't gib her wat she wans or needs..she need tym wit mi bt i jus can't gib her cuz nw i hab insufficient tym fr her and my tym is bein shorten to de extend where by i hab to tink of hw to spend mine tym wisely..i jus miss de old tym,jus blame myself fr being so selfish and nt cherishing de tym wit her..nw den i realized i hope it nt too late to even pray to god fr forsaking mi nw..i nw is sort of crappy tat in trouble den pray to god..bt i realli pray tat my god would save mi to untie all de knots fr mi..bcuz i realli can't take it anymore..problems are jus keep comin my wae problem after problems wen will it end..i m realli at de edge of de mountain i seriously dunno wat to do..all i cn do is jus see de dae pass infront of mi..i jus dunno wat shld i do..cn someone jus tell mi wat to do..

2dae,i wen dwn in de mornin to meet her we wen fr shoppin after tat wen to meet my brother and nu'er after tat went to meet her again bt it was pretty late till de some of de shop closed bt the shop we wanted to go nt yt closed bt we gotta hurry cuz i got tat tym restriction tinggi so in de end she didn't buy anything..i feel so hopeless..cuz i jus can't pei her all de wae..i jus feel damn hopeless man..wat a bf she hab..tat can't pei her to shop fr awhile mre fr hr chinese new year clothes...HAIZ..hw i wish all dis was a dream..a dream tat i cn nvr wake up..i guess is impossible cuz my brother ah ku jus punch mi and i could feel it so i guess it nt a dream is a reality tat i mus face..bt i m too afraid to face..HAIZ..i guess nw i cn do is jus surrender and jus pray hard tat de guy hu is gonna jude my life could jus gib mi a 1 last CHANCE tat's all i wish or request...GOD pls save mi i surrender myself to u...pls save mi frm de HELL tat i m goin... tat's all i cn do...

11:18 PM
A sentimental yearning.